one handed blogging is damn hard and not without a lot of backtracking. not to mention, the entailed innuendo.
Okay, okay, if I want to get this done and I do, I need to apply both hands and also my brain directly to the keyboard.
I am having one of those fasts where you only realize you’ve been fasting when you look at the computer screen with your eyeballs all bugging out and burning like you’ve been hit with a spritz of Satan’s Jock Itch and it’s 8:00pm and you’ve only had some peanuts and bread with butter all day. Oh, and the leftover Chipotle from yesterday was your breakfast. You haven’t eaten meals so it sort of qualifies as a fast and if you’re fasting then you don’t need to feel dumb about not running out to get something shitty to eat from a restaurant that’s going to sit on your gut and make you feel like an idiot for paying for the service. So we’re fasting.
This is not necessarily the Sunday evening I would like to have or even planned to have. When are my days the days I’d like to have? Rarely, as I’m sure most people find, but at least in this case, I’m alright with it. I’m fine with not really achieving the moon and having a perfect place to crash and find clarity. Why? Because I know I did do something. I did make efforts today. I didn’t overwhelm myself with THIS IS THE WEEKEND NOW YOU MUST METAMORPHOSE INTO SOME MIRACULOUS CREATURE OF LIGHT AND ACTION. This is a thought I often have and I have to look at myself in the mirror when I wash my face on Sunday nights and realize that life is relatively what it is was when I woke up. This deflation can deflate my whole spirit, my whole desire for change and purpose. It can make me feel like the only thing that is possible is a repetition of the day before and hope is for cute vloggers who live in LA and who do not have to escape the belly of a whale to just get on the same footing as the rest of the world. Not being perfect can be the rake that you circle around, stepping on the prongs and smacking yourself in the face every time. Not being perfect and not recognizing that on a soul level can drive you nuts.
Today, I did play a lot of video games. Like a lot. But I also wiped down the counters in the bathroom like I planned, I also threw out a whole bunch of things, I put on the pedometer and pranced about until I realized it wasn’t working and then I shook the battery loose and fixed it and pranced about again, I am having a cup of water.
My face is hurting and I’m having a small hypochondriacal episode where I’m pretty sure a tiny orange worm has crawled into my eardrum and is causing the whole left side of my head to ache, but this is still a day where I didn’t die so A++ for me.