Where did the power come from?
My teeth are not, after being reviewed, x-rayed, and cleaned by knowledgeable and pleasant dental technicians, broken beyond repair. My gums are not garish, slit cherry compote studded with shards of dissolving antacids for teeth. They look good. They are not shocking, they do not cause onlookers to shriek out in fright. I don’t have wisdom teeth to pull.
I did not have any sort of panic about the fact that I have just enough money to do this as part and parcel of the larger financial issues (that I did not cause and I cannot rectify until I leave my position), that I had to rush out of work in the middle of the day to check this. That I had to get x-rays which always pulls my trigger. I did not spaz out even though the route to the dentist’s office was all detours and delays. It was, as it always is, more doable than it seemed at the outset. This does give me a sense of peace I was not expecting to have this evening.
Another surprise was that as I continue to at least let my fingers brush over the MyFitnessPal app, I felt the need to weigh myself this morning. I was quite surprised to see that according to that fickle beast, I have not gained any weight since my last weigh-in. In fact, I’ve lost another pound so I’m down 15 lbs since January. The sister noted that it’s probably due to the second job where I am on my feet quite a bit. Frankly, I don’t know how this is possible. But here it is. And I am not going to cast it aside even if I’m not sure how to improve it at the moment. It’s a piece of good news and I will rub it till it gleams.
I have decided not to work on my application tonight for the new job. I’m too emotional, too scattershot, too in my own head about a few things and I’m liable to dash it off without thinking and I’m at the point where this particular job sounds like it’s a good thing and I’d like to give it my best shot rather than pretend I don’t care. It will be okay not to get it, but it would also be very good if I had something stable, full-time and satisfactory money-wise to be shifting into. Because right now, my brain is shifting even if it has nowhere to go.
Today was a good day, however, I am also really frustrated about the whole lesson I’m being given while being in this singles community, that if you’re not dating anyone, and you don’t immediately leap at the chance to date the person who knocks on your message box, well, you’re manipulating the situation to wait for someone better to come along.
It’s one thing if I were to be hanging out with you, complimenting you, building anything more than chatter, and also trying to flirt wildly with everyone else. But I’m just here in the group and now I feel like I can’t even comment to anyone else or it’s like I’m saying I’m picking that dude. When I’m not picking anyone! There’s nobody at the moment I want to pick! Pick for what? Ugh!
I suppose it does come down to saying, sorry, Charlie, you’re not the one for me. Can’t some other girl just do me a solid and fall in love with him like has always happened in the past? Come on geeky ladieeeesz.