Post, Then Sleep

To recall:

J. actually getting an accidental peek of my room and squealing No! as he laughs at me because the video function got turned on with my face.  Need to check on how to make sure that doesn’t happen without warrant in future.

My mother dyeing my hair in the kitchen sink the way she used to when I was very young and I would scream that she was flushing the dye into my eyeballs.  No such screaming this time

That I got the brows tamed and did so by parking at the lot at the old, old, position in the old, old town and everything felt so different and I was so distracted that there was no thought or worry or stress about being there.  I didn’t feel connected.  I didn’t feel disconnected.  I was just thinking, really, about positive forces leading me forward and current goodbyes and life as it was, and checking in with J. and the stories and pictures he had stashed for me.  It was very…soothing, I see now, after the fact, to visit the town and not to feel like this constant truant.

How lovely and overwhelming to arrive at this little get-together and see that all of my co-workers were there, that they had closed the shop early for them to see me off, that dinner would be paid for by the women in attendance.  That I had cards with actual sentiment written in them both received and to share.  That I would drink a drink and laugh and smile and shock myself by talking about you.   A 1% thing.  No names.

But they were kindly addressing all the things they knew about me, Mom’s state of health (knock on every bit of wood you got, stable and ok for now), the other old job, the condo, my younger sister and her boyfriend…and how well things appear to be going.  And it was perhaps the single glass of vodka, but I smiled and said maybe I’ve 1% met someone.  And the whirlwind of excitement that ran through those ladies.  It was an online thing, I said.  I didn’t lie.  I said we hadn’t met.  They don’t know you’re across the country.  But nor do they know we’ve mostly talked every day for a month.   It just was nice to not have that area of my life be a void for them.  They seemed very happy and I…got to say that you exist even if we haven’t agreed how.

Ah.

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