The conqueror of worlds or just the conqueror worm?
I have a plan and I have to act it out.
Mostly, I have been thinking.
Well, that’s done.
So, after yesterday’s misery on the roads and the full-blown, mothereffing panic that I endured, I came home and wrote the post you saw. Then, surprising the heck out of me, I got a message from someone from that fannish singles group I’m in. A woman – which is not to say that would be offensive to me, but obviously would be a bit of a disappointment as far as suiting my particular persuasions. However, her point was not to romance me herself but to suggest after reading some of my posts, and befriending him, that the dude who has been idly running about in my head for a bit as someone…potentially to have potential, that we would hit it off.
I like her a lot, actually, and trust her judgment. Then, at some point today, he FB friended me, which, I found surprising and amusing and nice which is the reaction one should have rather than despairing and sighing and bored out of your everloving mind at the thought of it.
A positive thing, I thought. But then, I spent a long day at work, receiving presents from the co-workers (lots of bath and body products, a lottery ticket, and many bits of candy), and then hitting the store for my single shot to get to the store for Christmas Eve goodies) and I mostly forgot about all of it in my dread for tomorrow.
This is how life goes, the ebb, the flow. I started glancing at old tumblr posts and came across this song:
which lead me to this video:
which I loved too much to even speak and I thought how perfectly it spoke to something I wanted to say…how it would extend something of me to share it with him. I wavered on it. That’s an excessively bold first hello when you’re a girl who gets panic attacks on walkover bridges. I kept trawling youtube and found the english translation:
There’s a whole movie! A whole thing! I swooned a little bit in my discoveries and clicked some webpages and then, I, tired, and full of dinner and a couple of Christmas candies, actually read through a few of his recent posts and…saw other girls who might also consider themselves as candidates for this shy dude’s attention. I thought, well, fuck, who is to say there shouldn’t be my hat in the ring if this is going to come down to shitty, belabored rodeo metaphors? I mean, I think after all of this, I don’t know how to handle reading that a nice dude that I actually had vague, nebulous interest in wound up with some 10% bolder geeky girl. That would feel like some sort of clanging hammer to the brain.
So…I sent a fb message. Like an honest to goodness lady of the world might do, despite being completely bereft of seductive language and feeling rusty as a real rusty thing.
So bravery or idiocy or whatever…we’ll see.