Just a thing I have noticed.
Not a lot of people tell you no despite the fact it feels as if everything, every shrug of the shoulders, is a declination.
It is almost the end of the year. It is almost time to begin again, if only in a few very specific, very particular ways. I feel a bit Farmers Almanac, a bit News from Lake Woebegon, but it doesn’t change the power of December 31st-January 1st. Doesn’t make the magic of that clock striking midnight any less real.
I am aware right now of how cyclical, inescapably cyclical, my story is. How the winter, even a half-done, half-fucked winter such as we are having now, does shake dead fruit from tree branches. It does make you take stock. Willingly or no, you see a year gone by. You see a year ahead with the full set of seasons, the full charge of juice. In some ways, and this year particularly, you see a trap door where if you can just wriggle your backbone just so you can escape all the dire horrors and woe betided by the dread 2016. You can, it implies, opt out with an earnest smile and a can-do attitude.
You can. I can. We all can. But we so very rarely do.
It’s hard to think of the potential (go recounts and audits and sane electors and any other last-ditch, last-chance efforts to alter our collective national fate) for personal revelation in the first year of a Donald Trump presidency, but in some ways, that lump of orange human waste is perfect motivation.
Who wants to let his hateful presence set the tone for our day-to-day lives? Not me. Not I! No, sir!
So I am thinking on this Sunday night before I have to go back to the job that is causing me so much displeasure and negative emotion. I am thinking about change and positivity and bodies and light and movement and unfucked habitats and habit itself. I am thinking about this blog. Something has to be done because another year of doing it the way I have been is going to be its ruin.
I am considering a daily blog that features some sort of lifestyle change notation. Not sure how that needs to be expressed – but some sort of data on reaching my goal and the streaks of exercise/water/etc + perhaps bullet notes on the most striking issues of the day with no word count quota + a record of 500 words of creative writing having been done. Then, maybe a weekly assessment sort of blog as to progress. As to feelings. As to venting. As to what this blog has been. Then, maybe a monthly post to keep my shit on track. Is this diet working? Am I dealing with the dark and painful places or am I pretending they aren’t there?
This is all very regimented. But, hmmm. Tonight that order sounds quite appealing.