In the Cards

By: L.

Nov 17 2016

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Category: self

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Aperture:f/4.1
Focal Length:49mm
ISO:50
Shutter:1/15 sec
Camera:E8800

Scully paid for her groceries with a check and then broke a computer’s mind with an alien upc code.

I do not have news.  Did they say end of week and also middle of week regarding some question about finishing up their other interviews?  It doesn’t bode well for my information retention if that’s the case.

Past: Ace of Wands, reversed.  Thwarted efforts, particularly in matters of achievement, particularly in matters of work.  A frittered and frayed opportunity, a challenging supervisor.  Present: The Star.  Hope in the future, healing if possible, respite.  King of Swords.  Action with clarity, removal of confusion.

It is a good draw if I have to say so myself.  I was ready for something else.  I feel less maddened about the whole thing.  Less desperate to grind my teeth together over it. Less on edge now that the boss is gone on her vacation.  Of course, apparently, that vacation means mine still has to include a couple cursory trips into the office to check on things – something that’s easy to ask when the boss is already out of town and you can’t refuse.  But I booked out early as a result today, avoided the new horror of night driving + the usual horror of snow driving and am here, looking at boys on the internet.  So. I guess that if I don’t get it, a new plan will emerge over this week off.   This quasi-week off.  With working at the shop, Thanksgiving, possibly this MST3K thing on Sunday, the sister’s birthday, the whole thing is enough to worry about without…

I trail off because I don’t know.

I am not tired, I am just…ready.

There is an elegance to winter.  I have never been one to appreciate it. It has felt in the past oppressive, draining, malevolent.  It does not void itself of those qualities, but having felt summer stretch long into fall and fall shift and smile and rot like fish left out of the icebox when a cold child is needed, I have gained a certain sense of appreciation for a cold snap.

It does make you pay attention to where you put your feet.  Are you prepared?  Are you ready to focus here, on the body, on the road, on the possibility that you are eventually the same as that branch loaded with snow.  The weight will win.  You will break despite all those seasons of strength.  It’s just which snowflake will get you.

It does say that all of the noise will stop.   A peace will blanket everything.  We can step away from the race for a moment and gather our resources and thoughts.  Something is calming if only to be strong enough to rage again later.  It’s the Star, feeding the land and filling the pool.

I find that very comforting right now.

I can’t control what happens, only how I react to it.  I can’t be driven down into myself by fears of what may be.  I can only let my shoulders fall and say, I tried, I really tried, and what is next is what was meant to be.

And the thing about destiny is that it never, ever makes mistakes.

 

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