I am watching a show about dancing in Korea, less watching than having it as a background distraction while I try and consider this post and beyond that, my phone interview in the morning.
By virtue of what comes out of my mouth tomorrow, we either go forward down this path or the way gets shut. I feel aware, suddenly, of how lightly I’ve taken this. Oh, sure, I’ll get it and then, I’ll have to deal with the flack. When, really, there’s lots of other people who can do what this job description asks – a job description, I note that does not have any of the things I’ve found most onerous and stress-inducing about my most recent jobs. I am not being given this on some silver platter just because I’ve hosted events where members of this organization have bought tickets. The only one-up I have is the wide variety of experiences I’ve had, and my willingness to do what it is that they need me to do. That ethic.
I am reading some potential questions I could be asked and already I’m blanking. Tell me a story that illustrates your values? I can’t think of anything that begins to makes sense in the context of a job interview. Hmm, I’m a good listener. I’ve just been a good listener, I don’t have a memorable instance of good listening. Maybe that means I’m n…okay, I know I can talk about starting writers’ group for leadership, being a…okay, I’ve got some ideas percolating.
It’s got me nervous when I least want to be. I’ve been sleeping, on the couch, still, and I’m thinking about going back to my bed tonight, if it’s possible. It has to be possible. I can’t just convert the living room into a second bedroom even if right now you might be confused as to which is which.
Gotta relax. I’ve got some traits to talk about: empathetic, creative, prepared, pride and investment in work. Some ideas about stories for those to give examples.
It’s only 15 minutes, surely there will be an in-person interview if I just don’t disqualify myself here and say I worship the Devil and start in on politics and say that I just want to make my pay and go home and hide under the covers. Surely, surely, when I hear the person on the other end start talking, I’ll clue in to be a grown-up.
All the things that I want to get back to – all the things that will be financially possible again – all the forward momentum I will gain by jumping out of the tidepool. It is almost too motivating. I would be good at this job. I would fit into their culture. I would be steady and earnest and have a good attitude. I would respect what they do.
I just have to know that if it isn’t this, it will be something else. The ice doesn’t crack instantly beneath me if the rejection email comes through, nor, does the sky fall if they ask me to give my two weeks notice and come and join the team.