Sailing the Panacea

Odd.  Odd.  Odd.

I have decided because I feel so…inert, so worried, so overwhelmed by the whole growing up with so much unreliability taking place right at the moment I need it to be steady, that I have to do something.   I have to knock the negative energy somewhere, even if it’s only going to roll back downhill at me.

So, suffice it to say, regardless of knowing whether or not I have insurance to cover it, I’ve got a dental appointment next week.   Wednesday.  I have no clear understanding as to whether or not I should be rushing to get there, demanding that they clear the decks and throw me on the table.   I only know that I was sort of questioning whether or not I would just wait it out until the end of October, and that…that seemed like a bad call.  Maybe it would improve as it has before, and maybe it wouldn’t, but with all my care and good intentions brushing and flossing and rinsing of late, I haven’t been able to do anything but just keep it bearable.  So, I have an appointment for a cleaning and an exam and I am frustrated as fuck that it might be a big financial wallop when I have been walloped back and forth and right and left these days, but you know…the instant I got off the phone with the scheduler, I felt lighter.

Not better, but at least not just sitting here dwelling on the damage taking place. At least I can say I’ve made an honest effort to get my mouth looked after, and that after Wednesday, I’ll be feeling differently than I do now which is crappy.  Crap-pee to the point where I can’t get motivated elseways at all.  I do feel 10% closer to returning to my body and my progress forward on this earth.

And of course, not but a few moments later, I get a sorta hello from You! Of all people, you! I mean, I am not going to reply back until I get the full hello because I refuse to get gleeful about what could just end up being another kick in the head after a month of this particular correspondent being incommunicado.  It’s a click of a button, not anything more taxing than that.  It is an incredible coincidence, of course, that I have a brief burst of positivity and another follows along to shore it up.  It’s enough to give your Pollyanna a bit of a smile.   How odd, though, to choose arbitrarily to assert one’s presence on a Thursday afternoon when it was just as easily left alone.

It’s a good thing I don’t care at all, isn’t it?

Elsewise, I have another job to do tomorrow.  I’ve got food to eat and I’m ready to go steam long dresses I will never own. Today also allowed me to see my beloved aunt, my beloved mother, my beloved father.   Life just carrying on, sweetly as it does.  My mother is feeling well enough to go back to work – for a half day, just to see.  She had just about given away all those clothes.

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