I dreamed manically and maniacally last night, or perhaps, this morning.
I woke up at 9a.m., after a late night of watching Great British Bake-Off and GBBO associated content. All drizzle cakes and cardamom. I thought about what I had to do today, thought about my tooth which was present, throbbing, but only lightly, and that it had not bothered me at all while I slept and promptly, exhaustedly, fell back asleep.
I dreamed about my grandfather, standing there when we opened the door, looking as I recall him to have looked. I heard that we were going to go see my grandmother and I knew she had passed away, and then I knew that my grandfather had passed away, too, but it was fine for him to get in the van with us.
I dreamed about all my hair falling out, or thinking so, but then realizing I was just using a brush equipped with stick-straight Barbie hair. I dreamed about my little sister having to move out of wherever we were – immediately, and had hordes of friends and helpers moving everything out from around me. I felt this was not entirely right, but they were carrying away furniture and mattresses and I, in my dream, could barely be roused. I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed, all of the dreams, both the lethargic and energized ones, looked as though they were set in one of the Twilight films.
Eventually, I heard my sister leaving for work. 11:30a.m. At this point, I did force myself awake. A. Grump.
I did make the call that I needed to make today, though, once my sister left. They can’t just whoopsadaisy it. But I can do something short-term and then I can do something after that. I know what’s what rather than just wondering and worrying, at least, on this one particular issue. There are still two or three other auxiliary problems that I need to deal with to get the mouth rectified. Goodness knows that if the pain increases, I will just go, finances be damned, but for the moment…it hasn’t. Only persisted. So, I am armed with information. That does feel better, if I actually let my brain get out of the hot tub I’ve left it in, and think about the importance of giving a shit.
Emotionally, I feel very logey and I have to say, just not bubbly and vacation-appreciative. I went to the grocery store and got a fresh toothbrush, some makeup, some decaf coffee, and a little bit of a sandwich rather than making some separate trip to a restaurant. There’s something I need to make for dinner now and then, I am going to get a load of laundry rolling, make this bed, and send a couple emails and live, you know, rather than fugue out.
Ultimately, I feel like until I get this taken care of, I’m going to be irritable. I am trying to just accept it and work on it and be chill in the interim, distracted at least, and right now, oy. I am just so frustrated and upset in ways that haven’t bubbled up, I think, that I am just going to be a jerk for a while and that’s so unfair. It’s such a waste of time. I just have to take care of me one way or another.