A Visit to the Okayerie

snow-1144660-638x425We thank the heavens for a little bit of cloud cover.  Still, if I move from this spot with this fan, I know that the heat will take me over.

…………

Today.  Fleetwood Mac,  Gold Dust Woman, Landslide, the hearts of others and myself, a Taylor Swift/Kanye West feud, more explanation of the Lupine Lady, coaching with my cousin which was basically just oh my god life a thousand times in a row over an egg souffle.  I did not go see my mother or call her, but I can do that tomorrow and will.  Didn’t get any more freak outs from my younger sister.   Didn’t have dinner because of a late lunch.  Feeling odd and pokey and like my hair is oddly soft tonight.

……..

So the gist about you is that you are gone, pffffff.  Again, a dude who I have a situation with fucks off into the hinterlands for reasons I can absolutely never know unless you deign to appear one more time for closure or bullshit, but there’s no closure in RP, apparently, so I am just shit out of luck.  A month is a month is a month.  Surgeries real or no. So, it’s rough because I’m still playing the overarching game and I am still into it, but this aspect which was delighting me and was like this unexpected dessert I was being offered out of the sky is gone.  But not gone, like, a break-up or with a kiss-off, just gone.  So, Pollyanna that I am, it’s keeping me hopeful about something that is not going to happen.  I’m not obliterating the hope, though, because maybe I just need to be wildly hopeful about shit right now, so, maybe it’s not terrible to keep clicking and refreshing like a maniac, but I do know that it’s at the point where it’s done.  The magic has dissipated and here we are. With an amusing anecdote to make us smile and a frustration we’re going to have to find ways to work out. I am okay with the fact that it was an untenable situation, that there were factors I was unaware of that came into play, fates that were I to know them or have to face them that I’d gladly give up.   It’s just the damned button sits right there and if I don’t click the button, I don’t know.  So.  I keep trying to see if Schrodinger’s RP Romance option is dead or alive in the box. Dead, dead, dead or might as well be dead, dead, dead.

Well.

Tomorrow is the beginning of a lot of crap.  It’s not going to be fun.  It’s going to be scary and stressful and I don’t know the extent of everything’s crappitude. And yet, it’s only four hours, I want to have some energy after the office explosion to come back and work on the project that I began today before the heat basically made it impossible to continue working.  Tomorrow, answer the questions for the potential new job, keep breathing, see my mom, pay some bills, okay.

Visit the Okayerie.

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