Tapioca and Propane


It is totally and utterly and entirely time for a gratitude post.

I am grateful for the resources to overcome issues, for ingenuity to find those resources quickly.  For strength to face troubles and for the wherewithal to be grateful when those troubles dissipate on their own as they sometimes do.  I am grateful for friends to share things with, even, or particularly when I am unsure about my own emotional response.  I am grateful for a safe, warm, dry place to be in a rainstorm.  I am grateful to have the security to feel the recent loss of life of Orlando and not be so driven by the petty concerns of my own life that I try and reject even allowing my empathy to start its humming engine, to exist in this place where it is possible to contemplate the facts as they slowly emerge, and the meaning which evolves around so many different axes, and still feel achingly connected to the sorrow.  To not say that it has no meaning to me because it isn’t right here, happening to me, to someone I can say I’ve spoken with…god, that’s such a useless path to take.

I am grateful for that black little kitty that came through so much. Storms and hell, and trauma and ended up named after a mistake.  I am grateful for this time…before, and now.  I am grateful that there’s a part of me that sees that even while I feel a bit like I can’t take anymore.  I know my sister can’t and shouldn’t have to.

I am grateful for tiny distractions, miniature delights, positive thoughts, blips of light, half-glances at joy, moments of relief.   I am grateful for things that work out in whatever way they need to work out, because sometimes, in the short term, oh, they just don’t.

I am grateful when I actually do give a damn, make some effort, and effect a bit of change.   There’s so much bloviating and feeling downtrodden in my head and heart and even one burst, one brief moment of putting some clothes away or filing one report or handling one moment and I build that trust back up again in myself.  I love when I sit still and finish what  I start.  I love researching and learning and writing as I weave in what I research and learn.

I am so grateful for…not you, I do not know you, but for the room wherein the creatures we invented meet and play.  I am grateful to myself for letting me play the game, for not shutting down, for not refusing to trust, for not refusing to dip a toe in out of fear I couldn’t handle or be perfect in its execution. I am grateful for this fountain of inspiration it’s provided. I am grateful for a cold rain that takes away this exhausting heat.  I am grateful for kindness.  I am grateful that all things have a second side.

I am grateful.

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