Her Ladyship

food-sweet-cake-candles-6203Miracle of miracle, the lady, she bleeds!  Yesterday, of course, makes far more sense in light of this somewhat expected discovery.

It’s gross, but I’m alright with gross.  Moreso than I ever was before as a dainty little child. It’s an evolution

It is Friday.  For your information.  I am honoring this pledge, but really, if I was pressed to confess…my mind is elsewhere.  I don’t think its location can be mapped.  It’s just floating and waiting for me to catch up for an adventure.  I’ve had story ideas,  half-articulated, that are calling my name at the same time I’m yawning and leaning back further against my pillow. This is not likely to be one for the record books, I’m afraid, but it still has to be done.

Tonight, I think we need to get out the old stand-by and ask the questions.

What do I love?
I love self-help videos.  I like feeling empathically connected to the people who discuss their lives there.  I love feeling their surge of hope as though it were mine own.  I like a rolling wave of experiencing myself getting my shit together over and over again even if it’s through the bodies of others.   I love that I wore makeup 2 days in a row and it wasn’t no big thing.  I like the little tickle of feeling as though somebody doesn’t mind me.  I love peeling off all these heavy, ill-fitting clothes and wafting around like I own the place – which I do.

I am grateful for?
My aunt returning to town and knowing that sooner or later I will get to sit in her wise counsel.  I am grateful that even though my computer looks half broken, it is not fully broke.  Sizeable tax returns when everything else is so lean.  A day to get the loose ends tucked back under.  Pushing through to track when I feel as though I couldn’t possibly think back and recall the day’s meals.  Doing so and finding I was way under on calories is nice, too.  Being straightforward about someone else’s error at work and having it be the lack of a deal I thought it was.   Calling and getting a straightforward answer I was asked to get without building it up into a thing I had to stress over.  The taste being basically gone.  Being willing to pay attention to myself and not put my head in the sand.  Nice dudes who are incredibly sharp – in small doses.

Wouldn’t it be nice if?
Tomorrow, I did the work.  Work.  If I worked on getting over my issue about wanting to be alone in the house while I clean and just put on my scullery maid’s cap…bonnet, whatever that is, and just go at it.  If I could relax, sleep, and not spend three hours in the morning awake and realigning my spine so I can read my phone in bed.   Just get up and make coffee before I had hours to think about it.


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