It Seemed Impossible

I am grateful this morning for the cooler heads and warmer hearts that will carry those suffering in Brussels and around the world through today and the days that come afterwards.  I am grateful for those who see how asinine and hateful the self-congratulatory snipes and dregs of humanity that are running for President on the right as they come up with plans based in hate and fear.  I am grateful for a portion of the population that refuses to let that go without critique, that asks harder questions, that demands that we let empathy play a role in every side of this.  That we become thoughtful when we become guarded, that we recognize how little we recognize in these horrific acts and how much we need to learn – learn fast, but learn.

It’s just…it is the people that suffer.  I am grateful for all those who are putting their lives on the line to make progress, to find a way, to try for peace even when it seems so impossible.  I wish I could do more.  I probably could do…I don’t know.  If listening and reading and sending love has any power, then I exercise that power today.

And on a completely different note, I am grateful for whatever strength of will I have to face things.  Today, I think I am most grateful especially and particularly when they are small.  When they do not indicate anything larger than an error that asks to be corrected.   In handling something at this stage, I avoid feeding into the notion that I only have power to alter my life when things are at their worst, most embarrassing, full-on catastrophic.  This is a myth I have always found comforting – that if I just let it spiral, eventually, I will put my foot down and fix everything.  Exhausting myself, frustrating myself, angering myself, and treating myself as though there is some moral brownie points derive from heroic intervention right before everything is about to fall off the cliff.

The heroics in my life is receiving an email that the payment didn’t go through, knowing, despite the rough financial patch that there were funds to cover it and just…checking that to be sure, whatever shame rising in my gorge is met with calm equanimity…and seeing that something went wrong and going online and having it process again.

That isn’t sad, that is bonafide badassery in the land of the Ostrich.

I am grateful for a sunlit morning and feeling positive energy and interest in getting through the day with some of that energy still in reserve so that I can continue to work on myself tonight.

I am grateful for hot coffee, for salads ready and prepared, for dinner to be planned, for music that draws me out of myself, for little tiny tweets of affection, for beautiful books that demand to be read, for filling up, for saying no, for the impulse to make things, for you as you are where you are.

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