Have no fear, we’re here, we’re really here! Bright as a daisy, sunny as a buttercup. Sentences at a time, but present and accounted for.
Your little turn of energy becomes mine and mine becomes yours. Winds beneath wings and all that. It is as simple as having chosen to begin. You can spiral down and out, but you can also go up and in. Ahem. You can. It is just a change in direction. It is just a willing, scullery maid’s spirit. There’s work to be done, but here we are to do it. Even if we mouth the words, we know the words so there’s a start.
The new year is coming. It is unavoidably nigh. You can choose other than you chose before. No one will hold your evolution against you, not really, not I think, if you believe in its necessity far more than you believe in the heartsick that others throw up at you when they’re frightened.
The habits already decided on are 10 minutes of physical activity everyday + 10 situps. Will I get to the point where I can do 20 or a 100 every day? Gee, I hope so, but for the moment, we’re thinking 1×1 inch picture frames (thank you, Anne Lamott) and doing 10.
Interrogating my thoughts. This is rather huge. It is a habit that needs building, though. Saying yes things are possible so often that you lean towards the assumption that you can get up and tackle your life, thank you Cheryl Strayed, you can frigging murdilize it as needed. Rather than acedia, plodding, exhaustion and accepting nothingness. You can’t get out of bed ever now? Not ever, ever, ever? What if you have to pee? What if you need to eat? Someone will come, someone will encourage me, someone will bring me food. No. No, they won’t. And even if they did, you wouldn’t like what they brought you anyway.
This is the sort of internal dialogue fight we have to fight 24/7 until we get strong enough to avoid the fighting entirely. Right now I’m just getting ambushed all the time by oddball freak-outs.
If there is some secret inner vault where we keep the beliefs we hold dearest, contrary to what we talk about or espouse or intend, it is time to crack it open and let it be awash with light. What lives after the lustratio deserves to remain. We will walk the long walk, we will give up the pig and the ram and the bull and drive the evil spirits out. Look to the birds, let the gods call it as they see it from their side of the fence.
Enough with the blather. I got up, I got food (and coffee), I have therapy tomorrow, I checked my email and made sure of that. Then, my friends have made genius plans for Seattle that I am delighted to turn up and experience. Yes. We have to get out of bed at some point because the only people they fly horizontally, at least for my ticket price, are corpses.