Mindfulness is the practice of drawing yourself out of the past, out of the future, out of all the side roads of possibility that you find yourself straining your tether to mosey down.
It is hard to be mindful and in a hurry. Some would say that it is actually impossible. Add in how incredibly excited I am right now for the return of MST3K, after watching the Kickstarter achieve nigh-unbelievable success today and having just returned from a 14 hour day at work (with a post work event) and a full on spaz-out on the road. Well, it wasn’t full-on. It was just stress-induced when I forgot some paperwork and had to rush back to get it and couldn’t or, I suppose, didn’t decide to, use my slow-going backwards route, and instead, tried to use a faster road. But it was rush hour and it wasn’t faster and there were hills and blurry, eye-atomizing lights and blah.
The lesson should be that I survived it. As awful as it was, as nonsensical as it always is, I survived it.
There has been a ton going on. So much so that I know I am not going to be able to complete this post in seven minutes. Not without driving it into the ground. So I am instead, going to breathe, going to be a bit mindful of the moment and take the time it takes to write five hundred words together that amount to zero substance.
The Day That Was:
Despite the nervousness of my period-tracking app that I was late, the blood duly arrived today and there was much rejoicing in the kingdom of me. Cramps, cravings, the whole kit and caboodle dumped on me and I feel oddly productive as a result. Like because of Clue, bleeding promptly is a priority somehow. Like I got somewhere to be or something?
I saw some old friends and they persist in their unfortunate trend of telling me how terrible things are at the old place and even as I struggle and want to gnaw my arm off lately at the new place, it was the right time to go. But every time I feel freer and freer of what was. I don’t think about it at all unless it’s brought up to me in just this sort of situation or I need fodder for a post like this. It all just seems impossibly challenging because it was impossibly challenging and I failed the challenge time and time again, and they’re giving me a hug and telling me that it would all just go smoothly if they did it the way they suggest.
Sigh. It doesn’t matter.
What does matter? I put on makeup. That’s important. I wanted to look passable and I didn’t sigh great sighs of despair that I didn’t draw the eye of any of the valet boys tonight. I didn’t mind at all. Busy enough to stave off those sorts of petty distractions. I panicked but did not crash my car or die. I had some of those old meet and greet muscles stretched out a bit.
There was joy.