Today is a day of sisterly gratitude. I don’t know how writerly a post this will be today. There’s enough to discuss that I will probably just straightforwardly discuss it rather than hang in the frame.
There is nothing that requires my sister to come and pick me up at my office – a place I am comfortable enough driving to nowadays – and take me to brunch before she commences, on her own time and her own dime, designing a Christmas tree for my work event. Especially after she’s just been in the hospital, especially after her own life keeps her whirling and flying about. It definitely makes me revisit my sense that I am so overwhelmed. I am an introvert, I do need downtime, but I don’t need to collapse whole universes of exhaustion into every weekend. She doesn’t have to come and do this, but she does.
Brunch was really great. Originally, we wanted to go to Snooze, because everybody and their brother wants to go to Snooze and at 10:30a.m. there was a 2 hour wait. We did know this would happen, but somehow, you hope that this is going to be the one day that everyone else forgets it exists and you can waltz to your table as soon as you arrive. No. But the secondary restaurant option had cornbread and huevos rancheros and filled me up so that I am considering never eating again.
After that, she worked on the tree which I am not allowed to help with for fear of tainting the voting unduly as an employee helping a volunteer and it is both coming together and becoming two or three different things. I know she’ll get it all sussed out. It’s an odd combination to have to make happen, reds and pinks and oranges and paper flowers and the 70s, but I think there’s a way to make it beautiful and work. Like everything else, it just ends up turning out alright.
Regardless, I did realize after reading more of the book on shame and vulnerability, that it was good to be out driving again. I need to be driving. I need to be facing the fears, following the vision statement, following the vision. I forget, then I do, and I remember why it is so vital and important to me. To be out in the world with the screaming babies and the railroad crossing arms that come down and leave you waiting for Godot the Tank Engine until you have to be intelligent enough to turn around and go another way. Even if you don’t know that way as well. Sundays, as I’m sure others might sigh and rail against me when they hear, are good days for driving when you have this anxiety around it. The pressure is reduced, the sun is out (or was today), I could at least begin to tell myself what I want to keep telling myself – no matter what, you have to do this okay, you will do this okay, you can’t avoid just sitting here and waiting for the light to change because even if you do avoid it now, the light will exist. You will have to stop here over and over again. So let the anxiety go and let it just be what it is.