Committed to the Cape

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  • About 75% done with my first adult coloring book page after buying a book and some markers last night.   I used to have a giant box full of markers, but as far as I can tell, I’ve given them away at some point. Adult?  It’s just a picture of some flowers, but working with the colors I have available has been interesting.  I do feel way less stress and way more focused while I’m doing it so it makes sense that it’s become such a popular trend lately.  I have a friend who is dealing with brain cancer, which…I can hardly even begin to imagine the stress involved with that…and she finds it very soothing.  While obviously, I don’t have that level of worry at all times, I do get these inane spikes of agonizing apprehension.  This just sense that my breathing is weird, labored, sort of as though I’ve got a gas bubble in my chest and I can’t deal with that, so I have to somehow subsume the thoughts around that by stopping my brain.   It is also still a great possibility that I am just looking for it because it scares me.  The part of myself that likes scaring me even if it’s for my own good and trying to get me back to exercising and doing low-carb again.   That’s lame.
  • We are going to a production of As You Like It – but I am running off to get some lunch first.  This lunch includes many things but does not include pop.  I have not had soda pop in about a week.  I am not planning on starting drinking it again.  I don’t know if this is possible, but I know I didn’t drink it today as clearly as I know I am here, getting my words on paper.   It is a step in resetting, in starting myself back where I need to be.
  • So the play was lovely.  It was so charming to just see something that warm and full of heart and well-acted and not reliant on violence for its drama.  I was also pleased that I could walk into a Shakespeare play more or less blind and the staging made the language completely explicable.  It was fun to follow along, to never get lost in the rhetoric.  The actress playing Rosalind reminded me of my Dragon Age Inquisitor, actually, as well as another long time character.  I just enjoyed being there.  I had some panic-driven thoughts, but I know how much I love and enjoy and get inspired by live theatre so they were banished.  Letting myself be convinced I have to go stand somewhere and collect myself would have been a day wasted on worrying about worry rather than just being an audience member.
  • Now, I help the little sister with the Christmas tree design by pinteresting bits of 70s nostalgia.  Hoping to take a bath, continue coloring and chilling out and lowering expectations of Superwoman suddenly appearing and offering to take over my body.  Just me in here, doing a bit better day by day.
  • I am a girl who is handling this bit of shit.

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