Flux Pinning


So the thing about the internet that is so provocative, so intriguing, so titillating to us Gladys Kravitzes of the world is you can know things that signify things just by looking through your digital blinds.  You can, these days, find yourself bending down the venetians and glancing surreptitiously across the electronic alleyway and see someone looking back at you.  I don’t know what it means, though, and I have spent the past month and change assuming a wide variety of inferences from the absence in the house across the alleyway …so I’m not going to think about that.  I’m not.  On a Saturday night, I’m not going to think about anything other than clearing the varghests from the Western Approach and telling you the news you can use before the clock strikes midnight.

I know that’s vague, but I completely do not understand the hieroglyphics on the wall, either, so we are in this enigma together.   Take comfort in that.

Strike all of that from the record.  It won’t matter.  I’m not trying to give fate a dodge, I’m just saying.

Today was a fun day, actually.  The coffee I was not dreading, but just worried that the social form of anxiety would ruin, with my friend from the old job – a friend my age with interests in common (not a ton of interests in common as she runs half-marathons and is planning on getting her PhD) went really well.  I was worried that somehow I would not have things to say anymore, that my life would be boring and too far removed from the reason we became friends in the first place – the old job.  That wasn’t the case at all, as she’s genuine and supportive of my efforts to just be human and there were plenty of details about her new house, the events I’m going to attempt to help plan, feminism, theme parties, where to buy nice used furniture.  It was great to just not be awkward, to be a friend back to someone who was willing to be a friend to me.  I need to be better at that all the way around.

Then, came another opportunity to poke holes through great doughy globs of worry.  My co-worker from the old job was also having her official retirement get-together, at the Pizza Hut, which was sweet and perfect for reasons.  I sat in the corner and talked to people, all of whom, gave me the puppy-dog eyes and told me how things had changed and not for the better.  That people aren’t doing it the way I’m doing it.   But I just nodded and smiled and told them I’d see them sooner or later.  I have my own worries and troubles, and it does feel like whatever Wonderland it sometimes was to work where I worked, and have all of them as dormice and white rabbits, has been annexed elsewhere.  We’ve all been kicked out.  And life goes on.

And now, I am looking forward to a tomorrow, a nice tomorrow.  A tomorrow of resting and doing.


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