It’s in the Eyes


Betterness.  Capitalization Issues.

I’ve had a lovely day, even if I feel a bit over-caffeinated and left with the results of my choices – which means I have a headache and I feel over-full to the point of nausea.  Yes, I’m still a bit cheery, mostly because I feel a bit of progress towards the bleeding and away from the existential ennui and that progress is visible in that I’ve finally pulled the ugly pine laminate (most of my other furniture is this cherry wood – which I have grown to like or this IKEA white laminate that I’m growing rather edgy towards, or I guess, the ten other varieties of wood for my night stand and the closet doors and the closet drawers and the baseboards all of which is just slightly different from the other) computer stand desk situation which I have never used in seven years except as platform for a few odd art pieces, my  completely blocked vision board, a golden map of Middle-Earth that deserves a frame, and a lot of paper and dust.

It is half-gone, brought to the living room which has served as a permanent assembly line for crap that needs to exit my life.

My bed is entirely made even at 11:30p.m. when I’m writing this and it’s nice to know that it will be soft and clean and waiting for me even if I’ve been sitting on it much of the day.  I’m looking forward to buying this desk and finally, finally, finally making the psychic break and no longer computing cross-legged on my bed.  I just think it’s got to be healthier.  I’ve heard it’s bad feng shui and you don’t fully relax with a computer on all the time next to you or on you (with the little desk dividing us).  I have gotten to crave the white noise, but I can get that from the electronic methadone that is my cell phone and then hopefully get wholly off the crack and just be allowed to sleep at night rather than bolt and jolt every time that notification sound goes off.

It’s a cultural thing for our generation, I know, but I think it’s a piece of my life I really need back.  I need more, deeper rest and shoulders that release and I can’t not have them anymore and still function.  So step closer.

I’m also cheery because I drove myself to the store today.  Not amazing, thank you, but I’m counting it on the amazing chart nevertheless because it required me to get up and out and loll around the busy aisles on a Sunday afternoon. I also painted my nails (8 out of 10 Mint Sorbet with matte top coat, since you’re curious and 2 out of 10 Super Black’s Haymaker, which is not super black but purple with red sparkles.) And then I listened to a bunch of British panel shows, cooked dinner, did more laundry, washed my mug, laid out my clothes, there was a new Mumford song which I love, and more I’m forgetting.

I also helped my mentor out with old job/old festival stuff, partly out of curiosity and partly out of loyalty and friendship, even if it has worn me out.

Tomorrow, my only goal is not to forget that I’m allowed to have good days, that, and make my bed.

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