I had one of those work-out dreams where you just feel like you’ve been running and fighting and super active all night and now it’s 9:00a.m. and I’m at my desk and my eyelids have those weights attached. Not feeling good this morning at all despite doing what I planned last night: picking out the clothes, brushing the teeth, et cetera, ad infinitum. A headache brews. A clock is watched. Trying to keep my spirits and humors up despite this weird foreboding concern that this situation wasn’t resolved with a night or two of relatively decent sleep. It may be time to talk to my mother which is always the first and last stop on the road to getting over anything. That’s naïve, but also, thus far, true. I am also thinking that I might want to stay over there on Saturday night and see if my working theory that something in my room is making me feel unwell holds up. Not sure on that one. Nothing seems to be a single trigger. If it’s makeup or stress or what I’m eating because I don’t think I’ve got sunburn, I don’t know. It’s also only going on in my face, not the rest of me. Something is up that I don’t like, but until I try and actually do something about it, I don’t want to cause myself undue hypochondrism. I want to stay steady.
I know I have an e-mail to respond to, as well.
But I’m here, I have to sort out how to keep myself occupied, until the boss exits her meeting and I can square exactly what it is that needs doing, if anything. What *can* be done is the actual question, and that is not so answerable.
I just read the excellent interview with Margaret Atwood in the Paris Review. It makes me want to go and read everything she’s ever written. She fits the mood. We haven’t had an overcast, rainy, goosepimple-inducing sort of day like this yet this year. I think this is the first dreary garret, casualty of a day. I am looking forward to going home and laying down with everything turned off and, sleeping, I guess.
….I am just going to lay down and take some more aspirin and dissipate.
Then, I hope, I’ll feel well enough to get that Cities: Skylines going. I had forgotten how to set up a city in SimCity, but yes, now that I’ve figured it out, well, off we go.
At home now, watching Antiques Roadshow, paying attention to how agoraphobic my life is leaning these days. I have a friend who is going through something similar and I don’t know what the answer is. Definitely looking forward to getting started with the new therapist, supposing I get this fever out of me by then.
It’s always the last hundred or fifty words that throw me. I can’t sum up. Tomorrow is Friday. We will be okay. I’ll find a way to do this.