Sneaking Music: A List

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My answers from a questionnaire an old friend sent me near a decade ago…

+200 story words

WHAT I’LL NEVER DO, & THAT’S OK:
be an extrovert
talk to any of those boys again and that’s mostly okay
discuss politics at work
feel comfortable in high heels

WHAT I’VE DONE, & WOULD LIKE TO DO AGAIN:
blog on a daily basis both with writing and about my actual life
travel overseas
engage in a philosophic discussion about books (preferably with a Darcy-faced boy)
spend a week just sleeping and writing

WHAT I’VE DONE, & WILL HAVE TO DO AGAIN:
make myself small in the eyes of others
deal with creepy old men trying to flirt with me
take my health seriously
move

WHAT I WON’T DO AGAIN:
allow other people’s experiences in fandom/of fandom/in life cause my own to necessarily and automatically derail simply because they’re well-worded
assume I know what the hell is going to happen with me with any degree of certainty
live unrequited when I have five or more opportunities to get a little bit requited
be a gullible fool who will buy whatever’s offered

And now…

WHAT I’LL NEVER DO, & THAT’S OK:
absolutely love any job
find exactly what I’m looking for in terms of a partner
warm to seafood
get it 100% together
give up dreaming

WHAT I’VE DONE, & WOULD LIKE TO DO AGAIN:
go back overseas (to the British Isles to start)
keep up my pink hair color
write an extensive personal essay
maintain my friendships and spend actual human time with people in a sociable fashion
get things really organized
WHAT I’VE DONE, & WILL HAVE TO DO AGAIN:
pushed myself past comfort and sense
trusting people in a major way to take care of me
get over myself and just complete what’s asked of me
broken out of a vicious cycle
let myself hope

WHAT I WON’T DO AGAIN:

refuse to ask questions when I need to understand or get help
think there isn’t room or time to start again
fill up the Void before I get a real good look at it
think in terms of whether things are possible, but instead, do I actually want them?
feel shame for the things I love or for when I stop actively loving them

WHAT I MAY STILL GET TO DO:
legitimately (whatever that means) publish something

take french/gaelic/guitar/viola lessons
surprise myself
bite my fears off down to the quick
fall in love

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