The Nightingale


Day 4 of the diet.   I have my fitbit, and as soon as it’s properly set tomorrow, I’ll see what I can do about connecting some of that information here.  Anything that can automate the process will be really appreciated because right now, I’m going through the usual day 4 feelings of the crap being worked out of my system, I’m OTR, I’m just low-energy, and while I’m still excited and invested, I’m not all that animated on the topic.

I went to see a shaman today.  I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that casually or if it requires a big explanation.  It was the same one I saw last year around this time as a gift from my half-sister.  This time, I was able to give it as a gift to my aunt. It was fine, beyond a quasi-issue with me driving myself there, I just had to work through it.   No, it was really more than fine, it was great.

Here’s a few things she said…

Stay committed to being in change.

-My grandmother was tired when she went to the afterlife and she had to be present for Christmas, for everyone still reaching out, but she was still tired.  She was happy about us all making it to the funeral.

-Treating my car as a cathedral, that I died in a past life in a car crash, the importance of needing to drive on my own.

-A theme she/they felt is is strong with me is I’m connected to the void.  I notice it in life and I try and fill it up for other people right away so they don’t have to be scared or uncomfortable about it.  I fill in gaps when what I should do is step back and look at the space as an opportunity for choice, for creativity.  To decide what I want to be there rather than just to fill it.

-She also talked about how I would get married and have kids, I just have to make room and let myself feel worthy, because it wouldn’t happen because of how filled up I was with other people’s worries and tasks and stuff.  Her surety on this was as comforting as anything else.  That I haven’t missed out on any of this.  This year is supposed to be about having a love affair with myself.  I sighed, and cried, and laughed and said that was going to be tough because I was already sick of me.

-I need nutrients.  Antioxidants.  She said she could feel that I was working on the body part as soon as I walked in the door.

-I need a therapist that will push me and champion me.

-She said I already had such a lighter energy and carried myself differently since the last time she saw me.

-That I need to take the way I felt in Italy, confident, self-assured, and bring rhat into my daily life.

-And most of all, that it was okay, mostly, that it was okay.

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