Riding the Dragon, Eating Its Tail

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Ah, the importance of commas.

I certainly don’t miss work, but I do miss the fact that it does coerce words out of me at a more rapid pace than this current vacation situation where I basically absorb words and images in game form and forget my own.  This place is important.  This shit is critical.  Let’s not forget our grand purpose.

I washed out the refrigerator today.  Like took out the shelves and put them in hot, soapy water and my word, did it need for me to do that.  I am still waiting for my ticker tape parade, but given the fact that most people do these things as a matter of course, I am willing to only cheer and applaud myself for a few brief moments.  There’s still a thousand other things to do.  I  just am encouraged I did one.

One of the pieces of the grand purpose is, aside from avent for my spleen, a place to chronicle weight loss.  And, I suppose, to a lesser degree, weight gain.  That part is less documented, because, let’s face it, it’s less than fun to tell the world (or at least four genuine people) that you preferred a frozen pizza to your future as a svelte goddess.  That you mortgaged one to pay for the other and you, probably, will do it again.  I can never tell if it’s better to try and being uber-positive about it or uber-realistic because while I do fuck up, consistently and have up until this point, the only way I can change is if, going forward, I don’t.  Or at least refuse to stay fucked up if and when I make a bad choice.  I’m always riding that see-saw of self-expression.

All of that goss said, I am getting very keen on the YAY diet point.  I am getting very earnest about it.   I am craving shakes.  I am sick of riding the Dr. Pepper dragon (I specifically told the pizza people not to send it if they didn’t have diet, but they sent it and it was in the house, so I’ve been drinking it as if there’s some kind of imaginary gun to my head and now it’s almost gone and I can remember why there was a moratorium on it in the first place.  It is…poison.

Diets provide direction and focus and I could use some of that now.  Having a few weeks set, at the very least, of healthy food, exercise and water is something I’m beginning to crave. Maybe I’ve said that recently, but the sincerity is at an all time high today.  Which reminds me, I need to get a new battery for my fitbit.  Maybe even a new Fitbit if we’re going with the optimistic path rather than being real (because I will probably lose it, break it or wash it, within a week).  There’s some steps to prepare, grocery stores to hit, spasms to have.  I just have to focus on that, not on goals or numbers or grand purposes, just doing one thing tomorrow.

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