It Felt Like Dancing

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This is play, but it’s also time-constrained play amidst other play.  I have a mental story/experience going on and I am breaking it to (I want to use the word shovel here, but I think it doesn’t quite express the kind and generous tone of providing a whole lot of content to your face very quickly that I desire) share my day’s story with you.

I also have cramps.  That is not playful, either, but they are very present in my mind right now.  It’s sort of hard to distract myself even with things I find incredibly distracting like this video game. These waves of warm pain that undulate through me right in the center so there’s no real angle or position I can put myself in that doesn’t seem to trigger them.  It hasn’t lessened throughout the day.  I am just a daughter of the ol’ moon today for better or worse and I hope that maybe if I complain about them, they’ll get the news that I find them boring and unhelpful and bugger the fuck off.  Maybe.  That’s how homeopathy works, isn’t it?

If the universe is in the gift-giving mood especially to terrible ingrates such as myself, I might as well carry on asking for things from my particular Elfin Knight.  So I say: Wouldn’t it be grand if today was also Saturday?  And maybe tomorrow, too? Just a few more days to live in this illusion.  Tomorrow should be fine: a chance to get to know my co-workers a little better, celebrate my sister’s one-year work anniversary, go and get some food in a restaurant and split the day in half.  There’s nothing to complain about in tomorrow’s agenda.  I just would like some more of the now right now.  A doggie bag of the daylight.

It hasn’t all been joyfully frittered away, though.  I did leave the walls of my eighties condo confines and talk with my cousin.  Essentially I just blabbed and drank coffee at Panera at her.  She gave me some good ideas, more concrete things than my therapist.  That’s maybe not true, my therapist gave me a lot of helpful tips until I transcended into perfection and decided I didn’t need her anymore or whatever happened there.  I just liked us talking and then there were things to motivate and move me rather than me ending up crying and promising catharsis I would inevitably attempt to avoid because fuck, you know, who has time for a legit, real, life-changing catharsis these days?  I don’t and I’m sure you don’t either.  It was good to just put on pants and spent a little time in reality with someone I really respect and believe is in a good place in her life. I am always looking for more good mentors.  We plan to meet again at the end of the month and I’ll be curious as to what this time frame will encourage me to do and what pushback there will be as we head into the land of Resolves.

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