Beetle in Amber


I haven’t had time lately and I don’t really have time today, either, but everything I need to roll ahead has a question blocking it that I can’t answer.  While I wait for that, it might be good to start on the words.

Lately, speaking of lately as it has so many forms, lately as in this morning, lately as in the last day or so, or lately since I left work or even lately since I’ve been born, I have been a bit cavalier about doing this 500 words a day thing.  Maybe even a bit embittered at the fact I have to show up and tell the wind a story that is mostly boredom pushed apathetically over the cliff into language.
There is so much to do, a crushing amount that I see from the moment I wake up to the moment I’m able to fall into Queen Mab’s realm where someone always seems, even in their dreamy way, to need something from me.
I find refuge in the act of journalling.  That every time I do this something amorphous appears and begins to shape itself into something that reflects myself and the day and as though a bead of amber slides over all of it and crystalizes, somehow, suddenly the day feels kept.  Like something you could sift through and sort and find the best to mount on a ring.  I have to make myself remember all rough days that have been softened through time, the power of this written wake flowing behind me, reminding me I was, even then, attempting something.  Imperfectly, but still, I have been giving goes all this while.
Anyway, what is new?  I think I made the boss happy, I went from thinking my sore, yellowish tongue and throat were getting better to thinking they still aren’t.  We’re going to try something very frontier out here and take some medicine even though the rest of me feels well enough. My cousin who I met up with at Thanksgiving is working on business and leadership coaching and I agreed, without much thought, for her to help coach me.  I don’t think it will hurt but I have this sense that I don’t really want to go open up all of this stuff with her and I don’t think I will get very far without opening up all of these worm jars and bags of cats and stressful things.  I am doing it out of a courtesy because she’s a nice lady and I want to help her moreso than I want to be helped.  Maybe I’ll end up being proven wrong.  We’ll see how it all turns out on Sunday.
All of this is less important than the fact than the fact that I am almost done with Dragon Age: Inquisition and after 130+ hours, I still feel like I want to stay under the spoiler curtain because I want to experience everything I missed with the banter bug and just not knowing what I was doing.
So off I go…to do that.

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