Hella: Day Two Hundred Seventy-Nine

424626_84230872We gave away the Draft Dodger, for reasons that are not quite clear to me now, to my aunt who was visiting from Chicago.  I’m a bit despondent because it feels like icy air is seeping through my window into my room and for reasons that are equally unclear, I think the bottom of the sill has peeled away and there’s no easy fix to the problem.  It hasn’t been a problem all through the summer, but now, autumn has come on with a vengeance and I am forced to wonder if any of my intermittent problems with feeling under the weather have come from this gust of cold air that is bringing the temperature in here down a good five or seven degrees.  Enough so that these blankets I’ve haphazardly wrapped around me are feeling hella insufficient.

So, hi.  I’ve elected to have a somewhat sunny disposition today.  Mostly, I’m sorry to say, because my boss is away and I don’t feel the pressure of her conquering vibe on my head.  I can move at a pace that feels comfortable to me and that’s sort of a new experience – rare, anyway – and it means that I can go take a card to the co-worker for her birthday and go with her to lunch because she pretty well demanded it and as much as I would rather have the time to work on clearing files, I didn’t want to blow her off either.  I mean, for all my complaining about her, and for all the ways in which she is oblivious to the way she uses me and drains my life force, she is honestly one of my biggest supporters.  And since I’m leaving her to her own devices, the least I can do is buy her lunch at her favorite place and listen to her complaints a few more times and I know that if the gun I’m under presents itself, it’s just harder to find any joy at all in the social responsibilities invoived in this “conscious work uncoupling.”  to use an awful turn of phrase.

I have also realized that, unfortunately, I’m going to have to do something about eating better and walking because Italy is going to probably be rough and there’s the whole teeth grinding thing I’m hoping is going to be mitigated once it moves on.  I just have felt way too tense, like sometimes it’s hard for me to hold a glass or a pencil, I feel so jittery and I just want to move or continue or flow away.  The stop light problem has come up again and it’s all symptoms of the same cause, I am just burdened with inglorious martyrdom.  I can’t relax at all.

But the Starbucks doesn’t help in the morning, it just fucks me up.  So I’m officially giving them up until I get resituated in the new job.  There’s more to mention about today, but I’m due to have another early start tomorrow for the last market and that’s that.

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