No More Numbers: Day Two Hundred Seventy-Three

What’s on my mind, WordPress?  ot much, actually.  I’ve done my damndest to just not have anything on the workbench in the fevered bellows of my brain today.   I am not despairing, just…coming to terms with a lot.  The fact that the kind gent from yesterday was just that and I, in all my foibles and best intentions, have no reason to pursue it further even if I knew how or when or where or why (aside from the persistent hum of my libido).  Looks are a dime a dozen for most and just because I find them precious doesn’t mean that anyone else would pay for the favor of mine.  I have not wanted to stew on this and so I actually, if you care to believe it, have not thought about it at all until right now when I turned off the games and wanted to be sure I hadn’t missed my deadline.

It’s worth ink, or pixels, and a curling up of the outside of my lips, but his long-term, eventually permanent absence will mean he will soon become as gilded as all the rest.  Love is a thing behind you, sepia-colored and curling up at its edges as well.  There is, in my experience, no present tense in it.

I’ve also been avoiding the fact that tomorrow I do not work – and really, I should only put in the four hours I’m to be paid for, but I have something like 20 days left, 20 or twenty-three days, and although that may not be the clean break I’m really desiring, it’s a hell of a short time to cram all the good girl stipulations into so that I can hand off the mess of my position to someone enrobed in wax paper and tied with a blue ribbon.  I don’t go into the office, but I should work excessively while here especially since I took today and went into my own personal quiet lands.

A few things were done, a good portion of the laundry was hauled over and washed and I’ve made a sizeable giveaway pile because the crux of the mess really is the absence of storage for a lot of really weird conglomerations of thread and faded cotton.  Finding things I love rather than what I ought to fit or love or take care of because someone gave it to me thinking I would look better in it than I did.  My other aunt, another of mother’s sisters, gave me 50 euros to add to my stack.  We took a walk and she is sharp as the sharpest whip you have with a memory that is hard to believe if you aren’t related and have a similar one.  I ate poorly, I listened to my father as he showed me the oldest stamp he had in his collection, I played and will play a game that takes away all thought and worry.  I am counting on some sort of logic to kick in in the morning because time is running out!

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