Sucker for Succor
Well, this is not how any of this – soup to nuts – was supposed to go. Everything now, down to the noise of the keyboard in this silent house, feels off. But I don’t have any other option except to ignore the call to blog. With well on my way to 800 days running, I would think that if a power outage, windstorm, and my own merciless psyche could keep me from posting, it would have happened by now. Maybe not, and there’s still time yet to be foiled tonight.
So. Today well and truly sucked. I had a headache and I milked it and projects that need to be done didn’t get done while I sat about feeling sorry for myself and really didn’t behave remotely like an adult. I anticipated the day being a poor one, but I pushed the suck level, I amplified every pain and problem and the result was misery. I don’t want to do that tomorrow again. I just don’t know the way around it right now.
And right now, I want to sleep. I should already be in bed, albeit at my parents house because the windstorm that blew through today, ate me alive. It knocked my tail light out, the one that had been stuck on with a dwindling and eroding strip of duct tape since last March. And I heard it clacking about, hanging by whatever cord attaches the light to the car’s electrical system, while the windstorm made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up on end. My parents’ house is the closest thing I have to a waystop on my commute home so, I took advantage of it and crashed in the door – not literally - but with the wind howling and destroying everything behind me. It felt, briefly, like you might imagine the hours before a tornado set in. Not as strong as a tornado, but fierce as a teenager’s tantrum. Just raging everywhere for miles.
So one effect of all this racing about was that I left my phone at work. It’ll be genius when it goes off tomorrow morning on my desk for my two 6:30am alarms (neither of which I ever pay attention to even when the phone is next to my head in bed.) Hopefully, as I’ve never tested this, they won’t ring for two goddamned hours. Another effect is that after I got mildly situated here, the power went out. But it was nice to talk to my mother. A whole other post could be made about our conversation, but I don’t have the space for it here at the moment, so suffice it to say, it was nice. It was good. I felt like my life is going out of control and I wanted to sob, but only for a short while, and now I’m back up to my usual level of ratched-up anxiety and this almost gaping desire to escape the bonds I’ve made for myself.
So, how are you? I hope where you are is filled with white noise and a sense of love.
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